Good Bye my Friend Good Bye.

I was getting all the kids ready to leave church.  I just happened to check my phone look to see if Craig had called because he is out of town .  But I saw a missed call from your mom.  My head started spinning with all these thoughts and hoping for the best thought in my head. But deep down in side I knew something was wrong.  I did and did not want to know .  I dialed the number and spoke to your mom.   We were in the cafeteria part of my church .  She asked me to sit down.  So I did.  I didn't  want to hear what was next .  I was just hoping it was that you were in the hospital but you would be alright..  Well, when the words came out of your moms mouth we lost you . I just starting crying and so hard  I dropped the phone. . I Could not believe it. Friends at the church got Pastor Pam for me and we talked she helped me. I was able to put it together and get the kids home.   I just talked to you 2 days after your 45th birthday .  We talked and laughed and you told me things were getting better, that he was out of your life.  You stopped putting money on his books in Jail .   You wanted a divorce.  You told me about the kids and how big they were getting and how much you loved the kids . You also told me that your lung disease was still the same and not getting worse.  But you had to use a wheel chair know..   There were other things you told me also .  But I found out they were all lies.  You were stilling using meth and the doctors told you to stop or that will kill you before the disease did.

Gosh, I am angry and hurt inside.  Why did you do this?  Was disease and the addiction to meth and a husband who was always hurting you in alot of ways a good enough  . Was that the life you wanted for you and your kids.    Did you really have to go back to him all those years.   I was always there to help you to guide you to the right places to get clean and shelters.  Did you take a moment to think of your kids you left behind.  2 kids that did not deserve the life you and he gave them.  Thank goodness for Gram and your mom and step dad.   To give those kids a staple place.  I thought after you went to jail about 8 yrs ago and you got your life together for a while and got your kids back that it would be different.  It was for a while.  Till the drugs came back into both of you and his life.   You blamed it all on him. But it was both of you .   

I hope you know the reason I did not see you was because I was getting my life together and so was Craig .  We had hit our bottom and needed to help our family .   Did you know we have 20 mos clean .  Here I was the one drug I had thought you quit you still did .  You fooled me .  You said you loved your best friend.  We had been friends for 36 yrs. 

We went through everything together .  We had alot of good times that will out way the bad.  But I remember those bad times in our disease.   I know the drug called, Ice, meth what ever it is called today is bad stuff.   If you do not get help it leads to jails, institutions, or death.   It hurts because that last time you did it you ended up in the hospital and  but this time you were not coming home .  You were in a coma and past on Monday .  

I wish you were still here so I could shake you and say what the hell are you doing.  What about your kids.  I know the lung disease would have taken you sooner or later .  But the drugs is what took you were are are today.   I hope you are in a good place and  you have not pain and no hurt. 

I will help be there for your mom and kids.  I will do whatever I have to, to help keep those kids from him.  He does not deserve them after what he did to you and them.

I hope you knew you I love my best friend and I prayed a lot for you .  Know you are gone.  All I wan't to do is cry.  I posted a song on Face Book by Rascal Flats called Why.   Because I will never know why.   

Rest in Peace my Friend- Thank you for being a friend, for introducing me to my soulmate .  I couldn't have ask more .   We have to 2 great kids.  

I will do my best to always think of the good times.   

God Bless you My friend.    I will always love my friend , my sister. 

Rest in  Peace  J.F.   Sept 17, 1966- October  3, 2011

Cindy  ( Fitlakegirl)