Direct Selling Association | Ethics, Trust, Confidence.

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June 17,2010 Being a caregiver and learning about me

"When someone points out a shortcoming, our first reaction may be defensive. There will always be room for growth."

  

There is alot of things to do with having a healthy life .  Some is mentally, some is fitness and health and eating write some is taking a look at yourself and finding the inner peace, or correcting your character defects and learning to break the old patterns of behavior you once had .   

So today is about me and correct a behavior that was pointed out to me .  I actually took it very well. My father in law is in the hospital well dad has been picking in my alot lately and getting on my kids also. I am not saying I have perfect kids and I am not perfect either. Its never really my husband.   I do not know why if it is something I do not do not do.  But I spoke my mind tonight and hand spoke his words.  So I had to get one last zinger in before I walked out in tears in the hospital .

   We came back and had dinner and my husband and I were talking.  He said you know you always have to have the last word with dad.  I said I had to make my last point.   I was drying a pot and I said do  I do this with you . He said yes you do at times.  I had to soak this in .  Then mom called and I said we were talking and not fighting and my husband said I had to have the last word.  My mom said yes you do .  I am like mom I do that to you also . She said yes.  Of course you know my husband was smiling in said.  (I know I would be also ).  I really had to let this sink in deeper as I was drying dishes. I really did not know I did this . 

I have been thinking about this since we did the dishes and I had to think back and arguments I have had with my spouse, my mom, father inlaw and so on.   I do this I really do.   I think I may know why . Because I have to hurt them because of how much they hurt me.   This comes way back from my using days and learning and growing from my past.   So I am trying to stop myself from doing this and find another way to deal with it. 

Just for Today: I will greet each opportunity for growth with an open mind.

I have been  caring for my father in law for 3 months.  I did not think it would be easy but I thought there was time before it really hard.   Blending 2 households is not easy especially since dad has been living by himself for 4 years.  I also have 2 kids and my hubby and my puppy Zoey. We live with him when we first got married and had our son but it is different this time.    It takes alot of patience , loving care,tolerance.  Well lately have been lacking in the tolerance area .   I take him to all his doctors appts,  switch doctors to better ones because of problems we had with his old Chemo doctors.  Do the cooking, cleaning, taking care of him and make sure he takes is medicine and drinks all his water .  Help with finances, etc.   Plus raise my own family.  I do not mean my husband does not help.  He does when he is not working .  He helps with the kids alot  which is a great blessing.   But I thought when we moved out here that we would be able to have some good memories with each other and the kids enjoy their grandfather also.  But it has not been that way .  I guess it wont be that way because that is how he wants it.   So I will  work on tolerance and pray alot and read my bible and turn to people I can .   I will do everything I can to make this time the best for him and take care of him the best I can.   It has been hard these last couple of days. 

June 24,2010

Hi,

I hope everyone is doing well.   As for me I am having a bad day .  Well I can not say bad just overwhelmed and full or concern for my father in law.   He is in alot of pain with his back and can barely walk.  We are waiting for the Doctor to call back.  Most likely going to emergency.

But I guess what I wanted to talk about is family. If anyone has problems with family member and are on the outs.  Please make amends and let it go especially when someone is dying of cancer or another disease. Life is to short and we need to enjoy life one day at a time.  In my view and it is only my view.  If you never clear the air with that person , you will have to live with the guilt, knowing that you did not make the amends and tell them you loved them .   There are also times when you have to put those feelings aside and be there for the person who is struggling with an illness.  And be a family.

My brother in-law and his wife are on the outs with us and my husbands father who has cancer.  I have tried many times sending emails , texts  etc to let us put our differences aside for my father in law and be there for him .  But I never got a response from them .  I know how much it hurts my father in law because we are all not a family.  Dad had said several times after I leave it is only you  to brothers and you need to be family.   It hurts that I can not fix this for him.  Not knowing what we did to begin with for our families to separate.  Asking to know what  we did or I did and not getting an answer.  Asking for forgiveness for what has been done and not know what has been done.

I have my own beliefs  about God .   In the Lord's prayer it says for us to forgive those who trespasses against us as God forgives us our trespasses .  Hello forgive and move on.   Life is to short.  Shoot if I did not forgive people I would be a miserable person .   Always complaining about who did what to me and I will never forgive them. .  There may be certain circumstances in persons life they may not be able to forgive.  But in most of them we should be able to forgive.

I had to stop writing this blog earlier because we did  take Dad to the emergency,  They ran a Cat Scan and gave him new medicine and he has  a really bad muscle spasms in his back.   He is doing alot better tonight and was able to go home.   He even wanted In and Out Burger and I was not going to deny him of that.   I did have one also  but I was living on 2 pieces of toast and coffee and water.  Not my normal way of eating. Back to Shakeology and working out tomorrow.    

Granted not all of you will may agree with me.  But thank you for letting me express my feelings.

Just for today: I will strive to accept others as they are. I will try not to judge others. I will focus on the principles of love and acceptance.

#086 - P90X Newsletter - Healthy Vacaction Eating - Fitness, Nutrition, Diet, Weight Loss Official Web site

#086 - P90X Newsletter - Healthy Vacaction Eating - Fitness, Nutrition, Diet, Weight Loss Official Web site

In a relationship,Married or not You Should Read This!

I had to repost this . A Beachbody Coach friend of mine posted this on FB today and I had to share it.

In a relationship, married or not... YOU SHOULD READ THIS!

MARRIAGE   When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.   Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?   I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!   With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.   The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.   When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.   In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.   This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.   I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.   My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.   On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.   On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.   She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.   Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.   Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.   But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.   She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.   At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.   That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....   The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!   If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.   If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

By: Kimmies Floral