October 27,2011 Diabetes Out of Control

I was really wondering if I was going to post this or not .  But I am hoping I can help someone else learn from me . 
I look at myself a year ago and see when I started my weightloss journey.  How excited I was and  realized that I had hit my bottom and wanted to changed.   I feel in love with Beachbody , there products and the people and my coach was and still is wonderful.   I lost weight working out and drinking shakeology and changing the way I eat .   My whole family changed.   I had lost 26 lbs and 17 total body inches.   I was so happy.    Then my live took on some major changes  I major move to help my father in law who has cancer . New state , no friends and having to start a new life.  3 surgeries in a year for different things in my life.   But some where along the line with all the going on,  I stopped doing all the right things and it was hard to cook healthy all the time when my father in law did not like healthy food.   So I began to let myself get depressed and unhappy and not work out and not drink my amazing shake.   I did not do a lot with Beachbody.    How can I sell a product that I am not faithfully using .  I know it works and I know the work out programs work .  I see it everyday .   With Beachbody community,


I had  some chats via facebook with my Beachbody Coach and she has dealt with a lot of the same things I have .  She made me think .    What I need to do.  Then today I got the call.   My lab work came back.  I was scared of this ,  I have to see  Dr. Patti next Thursday.  I asked the Nurse Linda what my A1c level was and she said 7.1 .  I said shit.   I was upset.   In April I was at 5.9  off of one of my meds and feeling great  .  Today I am back at 7.1 and gained 24 lbs back.     


I have been thinking these last couple of days that I have to treat this as I do my recovery,  I am a recovering addict with almost 22 months clean sober.    I know I can not drink or do drugs again or I will die.   I have to look at my diabetes, health , fitness as a total lifestyle change for life.  I can not stop exercising or eating healthy and think I will be ok,  I have to stay that way or I will die of Diabetes, or fatty liver disease or something.  It took me a while to hit my bottom with drugs and alcohol,    I hit my bottom today with my diabetes and my health.   


I am going back to what I do . Drink Shakeology , workout, modify it,  walk the dog , eat healthy. 
I want to live and be able to do around for a while.   


I will find out the read of my results next week.   I wanted to share this because people need to hear that it has to be a life style change and we all have to make it .   Do not ever give up.  


Diabetes,  Obesity, and other diseases caused by being overweight we need to make a change.   


I hope this helps someone else  so they will not have to go through what I did. 


I have to keep pushing and pushing my way out of depression and, other areas of my life, to suceed . 
I will start with one day at a time . 


Thank you for reading


Cindy ( Fitlakegirl)

October 25,2011 Dealing with Preteens

Well,  I have to say the last 5 days with my son have been so hard and trying to understand what is going on with a preteen is driving me crazy.  Friday was a great day he went to his first school dance as a 6th grader  in middle school.  He had the best time so I like yes , a great start to a great weekend.  Saturday he did the pumpkin patch at  church with his friends from youth group and had such a great time.  Then Sunday comes and he is complaining about everything and what he is not getting and what he is getting.  He is never happy.   I ask very little of him , clean your room, make your bed, help around the house ,  then he goes on the rampage my sister does nothing and I have to do everything .  She gets away with everything.  Which is not true .  Then he comes home yesterday which is the topper with 1 in house referral   and 1 ISS.    He was throwing a pencil in the air and hit some one with the pencil .  So he was sent in to the office.  Then on 5th period  he left his PE clothes at home and he had an option of using  loner clothes or ISS  .  He chose ISS  .  Hello ,  why not the loner clothes when I forgot my clothes for PE that is what I did .   His excuse was what if someone peed in them or something.  Ugh. 


We are at a loss with him.   I do not know what to do .  He got an awesome report card 4 A's and 2 C's   and  he is basically a good kid.   But something is going on .  


So today we are going to counseling to see what we can do.   I want my son happy, I do know we can not be happy all the time but most of it.   I also want him to be able to talk to us about things  and be honest .   Is this too much to ask?   We are here to listen to help , offer advice.   Whatever .  


We love our kids and we only want the best for them.   






Ephesians 4:25-32

²⁵ Therefore, putting away lying, “ Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,”^[e] for we are members of one another. ²⁶ “Be angry, and do not sin”:^[f] do not let the sun go down on your wrath,²⁷ nor give place to the devil. ²⁸ Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. ²⁹ Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. ³² And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

October 18,2011 and October 19,2011

Hope everyone is having a great Tuesday.  As for me I am still suffering from a migraine.   Sitting at the dentist office waiting for Ty to get done.   


You know it is only Tuesday and it feels like I am in for a very long week  a head.    If my head would stop pounding I would feel great.   I also have an Education Committee meeting at church to go to .  Wish Craig was home to deal with the kicks so I could sleep.   Well Ty done with the dentist time to get him back to school and will continue later.


Hi,   I never got back no last night to finish my blog.   But last night the Education meeting at church for the children and youth was great.  We have some much going on and lots of fun.   And as you can tell my migraine is pretty much gone.     


I volunteer at the church on Wednesdays and as I was driving in to church I was thinking back at when my mother in law used to say to Craig's Aunt Mary.  Go to church and make friends and get involved.   I heard it for years and never thought that what she was saying to Craig's Aunt was the answer.  
But when we found St Johns United Methodist Church in Kingman,  her words came to me and I got involved in church and meeting new people.  My family goes every Sunday and I am getting feed spiritually.  Learning and growing.  I have a long way to go , but so far it is a great Journey.   My mother in law Peggy was right .   I miss her lots and wish she was here with me on this journey.   


My life is changing is so many ways , I am looking to get physically feed with fitness and spiritually feed.   As well is having a great relationship with my kids that I am struggling with.   They have done through so much and are just bouncing back and have a stable home again. And parents that are clean and sober.   Through the grace of God.   


Tomorrow is a girl day with my mom and I we are going to Bullhead and Laughlin  just us.  I a not wait should be alot of fun.

October 17,2010 Monday

The last time I wrote on my blog it was to say Good Bye to my best friend.  This was hard to deal with but I am better every day.   I did not use which was never an issue for me because my sobriety or clean time means alot to me . But I did use food to help cover the pain I was feeling.  I would stuff myself at night with sweets and stopped exercising and drinking my shakeology and eating healthy .  I felt unattractive and not good about myself.   I need to  overcome this.  And I had to find a why to do that.   I have the  tools I just did not use them and during that time and before that I started not using them.  

So after a couple of weeks of watching the Biggest Loser , This season is hitting me the hardest.   I think it has to do with the people on the show the new coaches.   Not that I did not like Jillian Micheal's and Brett Horbel. they are awesome and I love them a inspiring coaches and people.   But I relate more with the feelings of the people  .  I cry because I can feel there pain.

So I decided to start with the 3 day cleanse with Shakeology and get back on tract.  I have an addiction to food and an addiction to not working out.   So I have to conquer that one day at a time just like I have to with  other areas of my life.

I also have a strong faith in God and an awesome church .    A Great Husband and  kids and family.   so I hope to be able to conquer my food addiction.  

Good Bye my Friend Good Bye.

I was getting all the kids ready to leave church.  I just happened to check my phone look to see if Craig had called because he is out of town .  But I saw a missed call from your mom.  My head started spinning with all these thoughts and hoping for the best thought in my head. But deep down in side I knew something was wrong.  I did and did not want to know .  I dialed the number and spoke to your mom.   We were in the cafeteria part of my church .  She asked me to sit down.  So I did.  I didn't  want to hear what was next .  I was just hoping it was that you were in the hospital but you would be alright..  Well, when the words came out of your moms mouth we lost you . I just starting crying and so hard  I dropped the phone. . I Could not believe it. Friends at the church got Pastor Pam for me and we talked she helped me. I was able to put it together and get the kids home.   I just talked to you 2 days after your 45th birthday .  We talked and laughed and you told me things were getting better, that he was out of your life.  You stopped putting money on his books in Jail .   You wanted a divorce.  You told me about the kids and how big they were getting and how much you loved the kids . You also told me that your lung disease was still the same and not getting worse.  But you had to use a wheel chair know..   There were other things you told me also .  But I found out they were all lies.  You were stilling using meth and the doctors told you to stop or that will kill you before the disease did.

Gosh, I am angry and hurt inside.  Why did you do this?  Was disease and the addiction to meth and a husband who was always hurting you in alot of ways a good enough  . Was that the life you wanted for you and your kids.    Did you really have to go back to him all those years.   I was always there to help you to guide you to the right places to get clean and shelters.  Did you take a moment to think of your kids you left behind.  2 kids that did not deserve the life you and he gave them.  Thank goodness for Gram and your mom and step dad.   To give those kids a staple place.  I thought after you went to jail about 8 yrs ago and you got your life together for a while and got your kids back that it would be different.  It was for a while.  Till the drugs came back into both of you and his life.   You blamed it all on him. But it was both of you .   

I hope you know the reason I did not see you was because I was getting my life together and so was Craig .  We had hit our bottom and needed to help our family .   Did you know we have 20 mos clean .  Here I was the one drug I had thought you quit you still did .  You fooled me .  You said you loved your best friend.  We had been friends for 36 yrs. 

We went through everything together .  We had alot of good times that will out way the bad.  But I remember those bad times in our disease.   I know the drug called, Ice, meth what ever it is called today is bad stuff.   If you do not get help it leads to jails, institutions, or death.   It hurts because that last time you did it you ended up in the hospital and  but this time you were not coming home .  You were in a coma and past on Monday .  

I wish you were still here so I could shake you and say what the hell are you doing.  What about your kids.  I know the lung disease would have taken you sooner or later .  But the drugs is what took you were are are today.   I hope you are in a good place and  you have not pain and no hurt. 

I will help be there for your mom and kids.  I will do whatever I have to, to help keep those kids from him.  He does not deserve them after what he did to you and them.

I hope you knew you I love my best friend and I prayed a lot for you .  Know you are gone.  All I wan't to do is cry.  I posted a song on Face Book by Rascal Flats called Why.   Because I will never know why.   

Rest in Peace my Friend- Thank you for being a friend, for introducing me to my soulmate .  I couldn't have ask more .   We have to 2 great kids.  

I will do my best to always think of the good times.   

God Bless you My friend.    I will always love my friend , my sister. 

Rest in  Peace  J.F.   Sept 17, 1966- October  3, 2011

Cindy  ( Fitlakegirl)